The
Sad Story of Keith Ord
A
written
testimony of events around Sai Baba
Dear David, (Bailey)
I'll start at the point when Michael, my English friend, returned from India,
after staying around Baba for some weeks.
He turned up at our door (I was then living with my mother who knew and
loved Michael very much, like one of her own sons), on the 23rd of November 1989
- after us having no news of him
for a couple of months. We didn't know where he was at that time; he had written
me one letter after arriving at Puttaparthi,
and explained that things were going very well, but that he wouldn't be
able to write again for some time as he was having a rough time working on
himself. Anyway, after things calmed down and the euphoria. of his return
started to wane, I noticed he was holding things back from me, He had told me
most of the things one would expect about his experiences ....... "it went
very well -Baba was amazing"..... the experience had changed him and so on.
And from what I saw he was quite changed. Much more tranquil, often deep in
thought, and much more mature. (You have to bear in mind that I was twenty-four
and he was twenty-three), But as the days turned into a week, I saw changes that
disturbed me. He wasn't his usual self; he had always been cheerful, laughing a
lot - always had a joke to tell. Now, although he often seemed to be deep in
thought, it seemed to me to be more of 'mulling' things over. He was
preoccupied, and
even
depressed. Then he started opening up to me more, telling me more about the
inner workings of the ashram, and more about his private interviews with Baba.
And then one
evening,
after he had been back about ten days, we were sat in my bedroom (he was staying
at home with my family until he found himself somewhere). We were chatting,
drinking a cup of tea, smoking cigarettes - and he came out with the most
incredible statement. He was talking about his conversations with Sai Baba. Baba
had told him he was the reincarnation of St Michael, and that he had a special
task for him. Michael had over ten interviews with Baba - more like fifteen I
think. He told me that every day he attended darshan, Baba called him
for an
interview. And that after a while, he just refused to go. When Baba picked out
at darshan, he just refused to go. I
couldn't believe what I was hearing! I said to him "Why not? Don't you
realise that people follow Baba round for ten years without ever being invited
for one interview?" His reply turned me to stone : "Because he wanted
to have sex with me. Every interview I had with him was the same. All he wants
is sex." There was a kind of stunned silence in the room for a long time; I
was trying to digest what I had heard, wondering what it could mean, and I
suppose Michael was reimmersed in his experiences with sb - wondering the same
as myself 'what does it all mean?'
After that he didn't hold back, and told me everything he had experienced out
there. He told me that the very first private interview that he had with sb was
a sexual encounter, that Baba obliged him to perform oral sex on him. At first
he couldn't believe any of this was happening. It felt unreal and frightening,
But then after the first interview he thought sb must have been showing him
something about himself ... that there must have been some spiritual or 'divine'
explanation behind swami's actions. But after the fourth interview, he became
very despondent and confused about the whole thing; each interview was a
repetition of the first. It became harder for Michael to deal with the thousands
of feelings and questions and doubts about what was happening. Baba
'materialised' an emerald ring on the fifth interview and gave him money on the
sixth.
After the tenth interview, Michael was still attending. darshan, but every time
Baba pointed him out to attend an interview, he refused to go. He was reaching a
point of desperation by that time, and was in a state of depression. After about
two weeks of attending darshan in this manner, one night he tried to take his
own life. Failing to do so, he left the ashram after that and never returned.
Well, after telling me of his experiences, Michael became quite depressed, and
started to withdraw into himself a little. I had no explanation to give him
about Baba's behaviour... he knew more than I did. Around the middle of
December, he managed to find himself a room locally, just a small bed sit - only
until we could get the money together to rent ourselves a flat. He spent
Christmas and New Year with us at my mother's home, and didn't even mention much
about sb. Anyway, on the 12th
January 1990, the police called at our house to tell me
Michael
had committed suicide on the night of the 10th ... and left me a letter,
which contained no mention of Baba, but I do remember that he wrote that
God would understand and forgive
him for what he was about to do. I had been trying
to get in touch with him the whole time by telephone but the people who
rented with him had told me he
wasn't at home, I was deeply distressed. Shocked. Devastated. I decided after
his funeral on the 26th January, to go to India, and find out what had happened
to him myself. I wanted to know what he had
experienced with Baba. I was very confused, because Michael had still insisted
at some point that sb was a very powerful being.
After two weeks of living at the ashram (Prasanthi Nilayam) I got my first
interview with sb. It was very hurried but Iremember practically everything. He
called me into his antechamber for a private interview, apart from the rest of
the people called for the interview, and once inside. he immediately pushed me
into the corner of the little room, and untied my pyjama bottoms, took out my
penis and started playing with it, and rubbing my scrotum, while telling me that
I think too much about girls and I should stop it at once. Then he was pulling
my pants up again hurriedly, and pushed me out of the room.
The second interview was very much the same, an interview with others and them
into his antechamber. This time he 'materialised' a ring for me, one of
those silver rings in the shape of
a flower, that has a picture of his face in the
Centre. Then he did the same, he pulled my trousers down and started
touching my penis and scrotum, and bringing himself very close to me. He started
moving his hips In a sideways motion while his body was pressed against
mine, asking me if this was what I liked. I don't remember replying to him. I
don't even think I
did reply - it was more a phrase to accompany his movements, like an incantation
that seemed to arouse him. While this was happening to me, I suddenly remembered
what Mitch (that was the name Michael had used since a child) had told me about
his interview - and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. But then I said to
myself, 'stop thinking these bad thoughts, this is not a sexual experience but a
spiritual one, if there is any bad in this, it is only my lower self making it
bad - all is pure to the pure- and this is how I dealt with my suspicions that
Baba might actually have been physically aroused by what he was doing, This all
lasted less than ten minutes, and then he was rushing again and telling me to
pull my trousers up because he had other devotees to see.
The
third interview began in exactly the same way, but it was some weeks after the
second one; we were all now in Whitefield (Bangalore). Baba took me into his
private chamber and immediately, hurriedly, tried pulling my 'pyjama"
bottoms down, but in his hurry he had pulled the cord the wrong way and made a
tight knot of it .... It was all very awkward and I felt embarrassed and
strange. In the end I had to help
him undo the knot because he was very impatient. Then once they were down he
went through the same procedure; playing with my genitals, rubbing his hips from
side to side while pressing himself very close to me. There was something
different about this interview; it made me feel more uncomfortable than ever,
There was an urgency in his manner, and I could see that he was excited; there
were beads of sweat on his top lip and his breathing was strained. He pointed
his finger at me and said very sternly "Don't talk. You don't talk. Okay?
Don't talk". I was a little startled, even frightened at his manner, but I
agreed I would not talk. Then his manner changed again, into
bright, breezy swami. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him, while embracing me in
the usual way, rubbing his hips from side to side while moving his hands over my
body and legs. I felt at that moment that his actions were deliberately trying
to arouse me physically, that he wanted me to get an erection, because he kept
touching my penis and rubbing. But I didn't become aroused at all. I just kept
arguing with myself mentally, saying that if there was any baseness or bad in
what was happening, it was all in my lower mind. As such, I never even became
faintly aroused, and I think this both perplexed and annoyed Baba, because he
seemed irritated and unsure of what to do next. Then he pulled me over to his
chair close to the entrance of the chamber and I could see his penis, semi erect
through the material of his gown. He took my hand and placed it on his penis,
and rubbed it up and down, telling me to rub while repeating "Good, good,
good" over and over, and visibly becoming more excited. Then he asked me if
this is what I wanted ... and then clapped his hands over his head saying
"This is divine". Then it was over and I was pushed out again into the
other, larger chamber with the other devotees. After that interview, I was very
confused about the whole thing. When I left the mandir I felt queasy and
slightly feverish, and instead of going out of the ashram with my friends to
have tea and talk about the interview, I went straight back to my room. I felt
as if I had a fever or the flu; weak, shaking, nauseous and light headed, I fell
asleep for a while and was awakened by my two room mates a couple of hours
later, who came to see if I was okay and wanted to know about my interview with
Baba. One was an English boy named Kestrel Boyle and the other an Australian
called Edward --- I can't remember his surname because he was. born of
Bangladesh! parents In Australia and 4 was a rather difficult name. I didn't
really know what to tell them, or even if I should tell them, so instead asked
them if Baba had ever done strange things to them in their private interviews.
Edward replied immediately, and in such matter of fact tones that it surprised
me into silence. He said "What, you mean playing with your dick? Oh don't
worry about that, he’s done that to me loads of times. It doesn't mean
anything bad - I actually like it, and think it's good for me.' Kestrel
basically said the same kind of thing, so I didn't dare say any more, but I
wondered what else Baba had done with them.
I'm going to leave it there at the moment David. I have a few more things to add
about people I met out there, but I'll send that on another e-mail. I hope this
helps you in some way. I'll continue writing and send more in a couple of days.
meanwhile don't hesitate to call or write if you have any questions, or if I can
help you with anything.
Best and warm wishes, Keith
Note : January 1990 - 'Islington Gazette' carried the coroner's report on
Michael's death, but didn't find anything suspicious - listing it simply as a suicide.